My liver just broke up with me...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A+ Viking dick
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
