there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
