My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
