Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
