Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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