We named our party play list daddy issues
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
