Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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