I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
