hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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