I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
