I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
