I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
