Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize