I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
