i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
