if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found your dick twin last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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