Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
