Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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