some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
