She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
