Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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