I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
