I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's never too late to be topless.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
