what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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