Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My dick has a subreddit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize