Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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