this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
