My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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