i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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