I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
