someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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