yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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