We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
