My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
