so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
