Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize