U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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