Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
