9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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