I think my vagina is haunted
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
