I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
