My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
