we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
