I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its not stalking. its research.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
