Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
