I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
