Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
