the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
