When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize