I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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