Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
