You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
