1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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