I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
