Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
