I'm drive I can fine osifer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
