ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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