She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
