I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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