hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
