cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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