btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
