so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
