I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize