you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
