I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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