I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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