I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
