Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
