Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
