party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
