he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
