dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i now understand why vodka
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
