I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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