I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
