I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
