We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
no, he came in my armpit
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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