So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
